This February, in a healing session, my teacher—who reads energy in the profound way that only she can—said, “Robin, it’s imperative for your future to travel somewhere warm like the Yucatán before the New Moon on March 2nd.” Then she said it again. I’d never heard her use the words imperative for your future. I booked my trip to Tulum the next day.
My 2022 intentions included more adventure. I didn’t expect it to be so impromptu. It felt crazy. I work freelance. I should be asking permission. Who do I ask now?
I had been to Tulum five years ago to lead a coaching session with another teacher of mine during her yoga retreat. I didn’t really feel like I belonged then. What could possibly be so imperative for my future now?
I hadn’t traveled abroad alone in 30 years. The flight was packed with kids going to Cancún for spring break. They popped Xanax and passed out cold. I prayed for safety and peace. I was afraid about the flight landing timing and then finding my prearranged car. I didn’t want to be in an airport and not know where I was going. I don’t trust Ubers or cabs, especially in a different country where I don’t speak the language. Meanwhile, the kids next to me were stirring a little and probably thinking, “Oh my God, we’re sitting next to a mother.”
When you’re in a relationship, there’s a silent agreement about who’s handling things. I realized now how little I handled with our married trip logistics. Now, I googled how to tip people when staying at an all-inclusive resort. How often do you tip these guys? I googled twice to make sure. Can once do it, or do you have to tip them every time?
Top of my mind was identity fraud. I took the proper measures with my local bank to unlink my savings from my checking account. I adulted and was proud of myself.
Once landed, I went out for vegan ice-cream. I handed the woman my credit card. I stood at the counter and started to feel rapids of fear in my belly. I looked up and saw a man behind the counter. He gave me a creepy smile. The woman tried to be sly and casually turned my card over to see the CVV code. I grabbed it out of her hands. Intuition on. I was bold and shaken. Big time.
I wondered, Have I attracted this to me? I went back into prayer. Change me, bless them. Change me, bless them. I grew compassion for the couple. It helped.
On our beach, all the men and women had their own beach bed with a natural tasseled cover that matched the sand and a large bath towel. There was a small three-legged wood stool next to it. Most of the women wore very little on the bottom and nothing on the top.
Because I’ve stepped more fully into my role as a yogini in the last five years, I can tell how people feel about themselves and their bodies based on their postures. Now, I saw how comfortable they were in their own skin.
Thoughts streamed in. I caught one, “I don’t belong here.”
Change me, bless them.
The habitual dialogue ceased. It suddenly moved on. In its place, I heard, “You got what you came for.”
“More clarity, please”, I asked my intuition.
“You’ve arrived. You’ve done the work. You don’t need to chase anything anymore.”
This is my new identity. Come as you are. You go, girl. The female expression is safe here. Seamless beauty – ocean, beach, body.
Striving and hard work were all once part of it. But they’re just not now.
I’ve been feeling this same way since.
Permission granted.
I don’t grow anymore through struggle.
I grow through joy.