Thank you, Mom, for your life and for my wake-up call. 10 years ago, you left this physical plane and it rocked me to my core. It propelled me to figure out who I am without the physical presence of a mother nor the “story”. I climbed a mountain searching for myself. In the last 10 years, I cried, hid, ran, had tantrums, numbed, incanted, doubted myself, screamed, had more “messes” than not, wrote and wrote and wrote, dreamed, confessed, admitted, hit the floor with my knees, surrendered, cultivated, sat, meditated, practiced and then…it happened. I got to a place where I could see a clearing like a field of flowers summoning me. Who am I? It’s such a profound question. I don’t really know the answer. All I know is that I now understand myself. I am the light. I am the dark. I am everything in-between. I am an adult and a kid at the same time. It is so freeing.
Mom, I see you in the red cardinal flying with me in the woods and sitting nobly on the branch outside my yoga room or our dining room table. I smile and bow my head in gratitude. Thank you for showing me what it is like to live fully alive.